Unemployment and Purpose

I'm not handling unemployment very well.

I've always been the type that needs to stay busy, needs to have some sort of defined purpose for each day. Ever since I was young I haven't handled breaks well, but I always knew that school was coming. School has always been there to occupy my brain and keep me busy.

But now school isn't coming. This is a break with no definite end in sight. I'm keeping busy by applying for jobs, reading, and knitting, but it's not enough. I think I'm going to have to find somewhere to volunteer so my business and purpose has an impact on others.

Now the question is where do I go? There are a lot of places that could use my help.

After Graduation

Yesterday it was brought to my attention that we are currently in week 12 of this semester. Week 12 of 16 of my final semester!

Since it's my final semester, people are constantly asking me what I'm going to do after graduation. I know I've had a few years to figure it out, but I'm still just not sure. It's terrifying to think about and between classes, working six days a week, and planning for a wedding, my job hunt just keeps falling by the wayside. The pressure from all of this is really starting to weigh on me, and today I'm having one of those days where I just want to curl up into a fetal position and shut down for a while.

This pressure has gotten me thinking quite a bit about my future career and what I want it to be. Obviously I wouldn't be able to handle a high-pressure environment. But those are the kind of jobs we're supposed to want. High-pressure jobs that allow you to make lots of money. But right now I'm a secretary for the English Department here on campus, which is work for sure, but it's nice work. Nobody is breathing down my neck for something to submit for a tight deadline, if I mess something up a little bit, nothing really bad happens, and I get to talk to people all day.

Honestly, I'd like to continue working in a similar environment, because I really like it here. Being involved in academia means things are never stagnant because every day's schedule is different, and I'm not the biggest fan of monotony (like anyone is). I always have plenty of work to keep me busy and that is important enough that I know I'm needed, but very rarely does something ultra stressful come up. Plus, the people I work with are wonderful individuals whom I don't want to part with.

Going to college "just" to become a secretary is painted as a failure. I'm supposed to become a power-suit wearing high-level executive, or at least aspire to become one through my fearless climb of the corporate ladder. This kind of job just doesn't really appeal to me, not only because it sounds needlessly stressful (how important is that report in the grand scheme of things, really?) but because it would leave me absolutely no energy for my creative pursuits.

I love knitting and writing -- two things that involve a lot of creative energy. If I work at a high-energy job, I know I won't be able to donate my best efforts to the two things that matter to me most. Is it really a failure to want a job that allows me to earn a wage while leaving me with enough will to do what I care about most?

Dog Days of Senior Year

For those of you who don't know, this is my final semester of college. At first, I was just excited about this, but it seems like every day I get a little more scared. And I can blame just one question.

"What are you going to do after you graduate?"

I've been asked that question throughout my college career, but now it's real. Before, I could just push it off and say things like, "I don't know, something with editing," or "I'm not sure, but I'm not worried about it yet." Well, it's time to start worrying about it, because it's coming, it's coming quickly, and all I see in my head is

(http://www.angelfoodcomic.com/about/)

Last night I had a bit of a revelation and for a few brief and shining moments, I felt like I did know what I was doing. I was looking through a book on knitting and thought to myself, "Hey, I could help with this." I mean, somebody has to edit knitting literature (of which there is more than you would probably think), and it might as well be me! I want to be that person.

But then "I have no idea what I'm doing" dog comes back and reminds me that I don't even know how to begin going into that field.

Help me.