My favorite quote from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar just happens to sum up my feelings about the novel quite nicely. I chose The Bell Jar because it just happened to be the title my mouse landed on in my Goodreads "to-read" shelf, and the library had a copy in. A fair warning to those of you who don't want spoilers, this post is full of them.
When I started The Bell Jar, I had absolutely no idea what it was about, and didn't read the back so I could keep it that way. Sometimes, I think it's fun to have absolutely no clue what to expect from what I'm reading, but McCullough's forward in the 25th anniversary edition I read kind of spoiled the surprise. I liked her forward, and I liked how it gave me some background on Plath, but part of me wishes I'd waited until the end of the book to read it.
That being said, even knowing what was going to happen didn't take away from the suspense of it actually happening. The first part of the novel had me wondering when Esther would lose it, what would push her over the edge, and how her insanity would escalate so much that others would have her committed.
The reality of how it happened kind of scared me, if we're being honest. I saw myself in Esther, as I'm sure a lot of people will and do, especially college age girls. Nothing really seemed to be the last straw, but a series of fairly believable events and circumstances that caused her to cave. Circumstances that I understand and am going through. The pressure of having to figure out the future, of having to maintain an aura of scholarly perfection, and of having to having to be the perfect social figure are not pressures to sneeze at, and The Bell Jar shows us why.
But it wasn't just the implication that a character I could relate to so strongly going insane that bothered me, it was also the fact that I could relate to her actions while she was committed and we knew she was considered crazy. It made me feel as if I'm dancing on the edge that Esther so easily slipped off of. The feeling was only worsened when I remembered how Sylvia Plath died and how people so often say that The Bell Jar is based off of her own life. The whole thing was uncomfortably real, but also strangely reassuring. The proof that I'm not the only one struggling with these pressures that so many people seem to breeze right through makes me feel validated somehow.
Part of me wishes that The Bell Jar had been required reading at some point earlier in my life, so I could have had a glimpse of what to expect from the later years of college. The other part of me is glad I found it on my own and didn't have my reading colored by a classroom setting. And if I'd read it earlier, I'm not sure the story would have had the same impact that it did. The words seemed to leap off the page, phrases hooking themselves into my brain and rooting there, because there was so much truth inside them, and I wanted to soak it all up and understand. I just hope more people find it at such an important point in their lives.
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